Western Watch, Chapter 6, First Draft by LadyMerrethsAuthor, literature
Literature
Western Watch, Chapter 6, First Draft
Author's Commentary:
This chapter sees Merreth's introduction to life on the other side of the Saskanna River. She's been there not ten minutes when she makes things worse for people by trying to make them better.
It's not a bad chapter. As with the others, it requires tightening up/
Enjoy.
===================
Merreth touches her left forearm and suppresses a wince. Under the bandage a puckered, angry brand indicates the date her service to the Western Watch ends. It doesn’t just throb, it hammers her arm with pain.
The brand shows whether a man – or woman, in her case – is on the wrong side of the Saskanna.
The University Tales Part III
Author's Commentary
---------------------
An impulsive decision on Merreth's part begins to entangle her in politics -- which she loathes -- and with commoner man who wants to teach women.
In this chapter Merreth finds herself drawn deeper into academia, noble affairs, and Evvern's situation. She is NOT happy about it. There is some great back and forth between Merreth and Evvern in this chapter, and we learn a lot about the Rector's motives in letting Evvern teach.
Enjoy.
-------------------------------------------
Follow." Merreth threads her way into the main room, rips her cape from the peg where it ha
Western Watch, Chapter 5, First Draft by LadyMerrethsAuthor, literature
Literature
Western Watch, Chapter 5, First Draft
Author's Commentary
Same comments about scene structure for this chapter as for the preceeding ones. They still need tweaking. Some of the dialogue is good and some needs punching up. I was really proud of the fight scene when I wrote it, but now I know it needs work to make it faster.
Enjoy.
---------------------
“Is it true?” The question hangs in the air like an obscenity slipped into a Temple prayer. Merreth stands feet apart, hands behind her back as she looks out a window. A breeze flicks up a few dry leaves and carries them off towards a distant field. To be one of them right now, she thinks. Perhaps I am.
&ldq
Western Watch, Chapter 4, First Draft by LadyMerrethsAuthor, literature
Literature
Western Watch, Chapter 4, First Draft
Author's Commentary
This is not a bad chapter, but it needs a fairly significant re-write in order to improve the scene structure. This chapter is entirely from Merreth's point of view and does convey some information which will be significant later on. I do like the interplay between Merreth and Sarrit.
Enjoy.
-------------------------
The heat hits her like a hammer. Westhold Hall had been oppressively warm. The outside, still some hours before mid day, reminds Merreth of the inside of a blacksmith’s shop. She stands on the wooden boardwalk that runs down the eastern side of Westhold’s main street, a wide ribbon of granite-
The University Tales Part II
Author's Commentary
---------------------
An impulsive decision on Merreth's part begins to entangle her in politics -- which she loathes -- and with commoner man who wants to teach women.
I quite like this chapter. It's got some nice dialogue and Simma's character begins to come into it's own. She has a quick wit and a sharp tongue and most of the time she gets the better of Merreth in verbal jousting. Still, the chapter needs better imagery and general tightening up. Also there's a couple of places where I tell, rather than show.
That said however, it's fun to watch Merreth struggle in a setting where all
The University Tales Part I
Author's Commentary
----------------------------------------------------
This is the story (chapter or part, really) that introduces Evvern and Lady Simma. These two characters are destined to play a large role in Lady Merreth's life, whether she wants them to or not. And initially, it is very definately "not". As with all of my first drafts, this one is quite rough, though I do think there are some solid pieces of writing here. Unfortunately there are some repeated phrases, and one or two "howlers" that need to be fixed. In addition, although the "University Tales" take place after Western Watch I actually
Copyright by Brant Forseng 2012.
Her mood is a roiling black cloud. It is difficult to remain furious for two whole days, but Simma has managed it. She is tired, sweaty, and sore. Four days on rough roads has transformed the elegantly cushioned carriage bench into one fashioned from granite. Simma pounds a gloved fist against the side of the carriage in frustration.
The coachman’s voice carries through the door, “Not long now, M’Lady!”
It’s the third time this morning she’s done that and each time the fool – some commoner hire – has mistaken her anger for i